


we are the hunters

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Diary/Journal, Gen, Multi, POV First Person, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-13
Updated: 2013-11-04
Packaged: 2017-12-23 09:38:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/924810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>Diary Collection Part One:</b> Eren Jaeger</p><p>In which the 104th all attend the same high school, Eren is having a sexuality crisis concerning his altogether far too attractive football coach, Mikasa is his secretive foster sister from Japan, Armin is chess champion, and that fucking Kirschtein kid is in their math class. <i>Again.</i></p><p>(Or: the Shingeki no high school au that no one wanted)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Eins

**Author's Note:**

> If you've ever read the Hetalia fic "Dear Diary", this is a homage to that spectacular piece of comedy genius.
> 
> i'm also really not funny gomen
> 
> As a side note: if you're hoping for an ereri romance this is not the fic for you. i just like writing eren having one sided crushes SORRY

Grade 12

 

 

> September 4th

 

Jean fucking Kirschtein is in my math class again. _Again._ This has happened every fucking year since we started this damn high school and now he’s going to rub it in about how great at quadratics and shit he is with this dumb horse face and his stupid dye job.

 

Literally a transcript of our conversation today:

 **Me:** Oh are you fucking kidding me.  
 **Him:** Well look who it is. Jaeger.  
 **Me:** Kirschtein.  
 **Him:** I half expected you to be in the dumb math class. You know, seeing as you barely passed grade 11 math. [pulls a smirk but it gets distorted by his stupid ass face with his dumb eyebrows and that undercut who even has hair like that except for Coach Levi who can pull it off but Kirschtein totally fucking can’t]

Anyway at that point Armin grabbed me and attempted to make me apologize. I swear he’s still trying to actually get us to be friends. Which is hilarious and dumb and I’m still convinced Armin actually likes his company which I may have to interrogate him about later

ACTUALLY WAIT also Mikasa totally arrived from Japan today and she came in and Jean pretty much threw himself over the desks to introduce himself and ask if she needed any help finding her way around to which she blanks him (bless ya, sis) and then I chose that moment to say “hi sis” and the look on Kirschtein’s fucking face made my _entire day._

Until gym class when I got him in the face with a basketball and nearly broke his nose. God it was beautiful. There were tears in my eyes.

Except then Coach Levi asked if I had "personal issues" with him and decided to suspend me from practice for the rest of this week. Dang it.

 

* * *

 

 

> September 5th

 

My chem teacher is fucking weird. He keeps sniffing me. Also I think him, Mr. Smith and Coach Levi totally know each other. Which is weird. Because they’re all in different departments.

Not that teachers in different departments can’t be friends, but

you know what I mean.

 

* * *

 

 

> September 9th

 

I am allowed back in practice as long as I exhibit “good conduct.” Also Ymir totally managed to convince admin to let her join our football team despite the fact that this is the boys team and you know what, Ymir is a fucking beast so if she helps us win idec.

 

 **Later**  
Oh ejsus christ she’s fucking terrifying I take it back give her to Annie and Krista don’t let her near me

 

 **Later**  
I just got sent to detention for stuffing Bert’s locker full of pop up toys and nearly giving him a heart attack. I would say I’m sorry but the look on his face was priceless

…except I think reiner and annie are now out for my blood.

 

* * *

 

 

> September 16th

 

so armin and i went out for milkshakes and when we got there annie, reiner and bert were all sitting down at one of the tables and as soon as we walked in annie gave me a death glare that could have actually killed small children.

why does no one see the hilarity in this situation it was funny come on

 

 **Later**  
“What you did to Bert was actually really mean you know.”

I'm not talking to Armin anymore. Our friendship is off.

 

 **Two hours later**  
I take it back I need someone to play Mario Kart with and Mikasa always whoops my ass so Armin it is.

 

 **One hour later**  
what fucker even designed rainbow road

 

 **Half an hour later**  
oh shit shit _shit_ Armin just started talking about Marco’s housewarming party on Sunday for and Marco is that Idiot’s best friend but he's such a cool dudebro and now i feel godawful because i haven't got him a present yet.

It’s only Friday. I have time.

I also have no car, driving license or money for a bus pass. Crap. Gonna go ask mom.

 

...she said no like wtf am I supposed to walk to the fucking mall

Who do I know who has a car and can drive

 

 _People who can drive:_  
annie  
reiner  
ymir  
bert  
...i guess jean’s here too but hell if i’m asking him

  
 _People who I can ask to drive me:_  
...

 

well then.

 

WAIT NO I’ll ask Krista

 

 **Later**  
so apparently Krista’s car is in the garage but she let me borrow her bike for tomorrow.  
Which is really nice of her and all but her bicycle is also pink with those weird streamer things. I feel like she’s had it since she was six.

 

* * *

 

 

> September 17th

 

I bumped into Coach Levi coming out of Holt Renfrew. That was possibly the weirdest experience of my entire life. He was wearing leather pants and a cravat.

Thank god he didn’t see the bike.

 

 **Later**  
 ~~Ok this is gonna sound really weird but like Coach Levi is actually kinda cute in a cravat~~.

~~Like really cute~~

~~Like his height and stuff and it’s cute~~

 

**Later**   
~~oh hell to the shit am I gay~~

~~does this make me gay~~

~~am i gay for my fucking football coach~~

~~oh my god i’m having a crisis who do I know who’s gay that i can ask~~

~~…i REALLY wish i hadn’t played that joke on bert now.~~

~~…do you think i can ask ymir and krista or does it work differently bc they’re lesbians~~

~~wait no i’m not telling anyone about this oh my fod~~

 

 **Later**  
i’m going to scratch out that entire last part what if someone found this my life would be over and gone

 

 **That evening**  
haha i just texted armin explaining that mikasa’s having period cramps bc apparently she got a bit snappy at him earlier  
and my phone fucking autocorrected cramps to cravats oh my sweet god i’m laughing

period cravats

 

...wait cravats for fUCKS SAKE

 

I hate my life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have a final in less than two hours and i'm posing this what has my life become
> 
> for more snk shit, [sassanids.tumblr.com](http://sassanids.tumblr.com)
> 
>  **EDIT:** well, since everyone's birthdays were just released, and marco's birthday is in fact in june, several details have been changed in this chapter.  
>  thanks, guidebook.


	2. Zwei

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so like i totally forgot that eren and mikasa and co. are like 15 and in this they're in their last year of high school so let's just pretend they've aged up a bit yeah
> 
> i'm still not funny.

 

 

> September 19th

 

CAN WE JUST TALK ABOUT HOW FUCKING GREAT MARCO’S PARTY WAS

Like seriously what a dudebro also because he turned 18 in June guess what that means aw yeah man fucking beer and mike’s hard and shit

Well I mean not that I was underage drinking or anything…

 

 **Later**  
I wonder if connie’s still passed out next to his sofa

 

 **Later**  
ok im just gonna write up a summary because I am never going to forget that

 

So like his party started at 7 and I got there with armin and mikasa at like 7:30 because obviously you have to arrive fashionably late to these things ~~that and I had a minor malfunction whilst attempting to get into my jeans earlier but we’re conveniently forgetting about that god bless mikasa and her emergency sewing skills~~ and when we got there connie and sasha were already hard at work at the snack table and Thomas and Mina were there too but I don’t know them too well and reiner and annie were deep in conversation and bert was sweating nervously whilst trying to put in a dvd with ymir and krista kinda yelling at him and also jean horseface was there on the sofa drinking a beer (underage!!) so I just glared at him. what a loser. why is he marco’s best friend this is the single stupidest thing to happen ever since armin convinced me that sticking my tongue to a cold pole outside was beneficial for scraping off plaque ~~I was like five okay~~

 

Anyways so we’re all hanging out having fun and then I bring out marco’s present and I totally got him this new game he’s been going on about so he was super grateful and jean was totally ogling it I could tell hahaha I bet he didn’t get him as good a present as I did

 

 **Later**  
mikasa’s just informed me that jean got marco a Wii U wow man fuck best friends and their gifts armin’s never gotten me something like that last Christmas he gave me _Basic Math for Dummies_ and said he was being “helpful”.

 

helpful my ass where does math even get anyone ever

 

 **Later**  
no one even goes into stores and buys fifty watermelons

 

 **Later**  
I got sidetracked mom was baking cupcakes ok continuation of party writeup

 

So basically we’re all hanging out and then

like

Sasha brought out fucking twister and we’re all like hELL YEAH MAN

~~I never knew annie could bend in ways like that~~

 

Also I managed to accidentally grab krista’s ass. Then mikasa glared at me

OH OH also bert and reiner are totally the worst at twister. I think it’s because bert’s all legs and reiner is like built like a tank so it just… doesn’t work. I’m pretty good if I say so myself. But eventually it was down to Mikasa, Annie and Connie and then it was just Mikasa and Annie and it was the single most intense moment of my life.

 

And then Annie just kinda got up and said it was boring and mikasa won by default so that was kinda a letdown but I mean a guy can’t have everything

 

Then I got into an argument with jean about stuff like I think we had both a little too much but somehow it came out that I want to join the armed forces even though both mikasa and ma are still really against it and then his asshole fucking laughs at my dreams and says that I’ll just get myself killed so I mean fuck that I went to punch him but reiner broke us up.

AND THEN THIS IS THE BEST THING so armin informed me that jean’s staying over at Marco’s for a bit so I crept upstairs while no one was looking and found his shampoo in the bathroom (it’s gotta be his, only douchebags buy Axe right?) And I put food colouring in it. I can’t wait for math class on Tuesday.)

 

But yeah after that it all got a bit weird and I was off my ass but at least I managed to forget about my current mental predicament about a certain 5'2'' man. Anyway at like 3 mom had to pick us up. She was mad. Haha

 

 **Later**  
yo like also my sister is the most hardcore drinker ever. I think she actually beats reiner.

 

* * *

 

> September 20th

 

Marco came into school today with blue hair. I feel like a terrible human being.

 

Jean’s hair meanwhile, is still a gross shade of dirty blond.

 

* * *

 

> September 21st

 

I went to marco and apologized bc I felt so bad and I explained that I was trying to get his dumb best friend instead and guess what like he totally laughed about it and said it was fine and that he always wanted to try a different colour I mean what a great bro

And then he told me jean actually also wanted to join the military when he was younger bc his brother was in the air force but apparently he went MIA when jean was like ten so after that he got really disillusioned and I actually felt really bad.

 

Doesn’t change the fact he’s still a prick.

 

 **Later**  
Coach Levi is giving me weird looks. oh god. is the gay obvious.

 

NO IM NOT GAY GODDAMMIT I REFUSE

 

 **Later  
** Not that there’s anything wrong with being gay I mean reiner and bert are together and so are ymir and Krista but I mean like I’m just… not. I like girls. I like sasha’s hair. I like annie’s nose.

 

 **Later**  
Coach Levi has nice hair and a nice nose. No. I mean

 

 **Later**  
what if I just asked reiner what to do

 

 **Later**  
or armin I mean he’s my best friend but would he even know what to say??

 

 **eren jägerbomb**  
yo can i ask you something

**Reiner Braun**   
_Sure what is it_

**eren jägerbomb**  
um… how did you find out you were gay?

**Reiner Braun**   
_…_   
_Eren what_

**eren jägerbomb**  
like do you just like bert or like all guys or what

**Reiner Braun**   
_Eren are you having a sexuality crisis_

**eren jägerbomb**  
no!

**Reiner Braun**   
_Is it Jean_

**eren jägerbomb**  
what no fuck u  
what ever makes you think that

**Reiner Braun**   
_Sasha, Ymir and Connie have been having bets on when you two are going to angrily make out.  
I of course, refused in the spirit of our friendship._

**eren jägerbomb  
** ugh ur all gross

 

* * *

 

>  September 22nd

 

Jean was staring weirdly at Armin in math today so I gave him the stink eye

then he flipped me off and turned around again

 

 **Later**  
remind me to kill ymir, sasha and connie

 

 **Later**  
ok maybe not ymir I think she’d kill me first

 

 **Later**  
there’s a rumour going around that coach levi and that weird bio teacher ms. hanji are dating. i don’t know how to feel about this.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can u imagine mikasa and annie playing Intense Twister


	3. Drei

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So today I made a Bad Decision and posted [a short idea I had for this au](http://sassanids.tumblr.com/post/58438432877/imagine-a-modern-day-snk-au-where-jean-who-has) and then it got too many notes on tumblr so I thought "well fuck it I'm posting this chapter today then"
> 
> Because I mean come on who doesn't love the idea of Jean in a douchey car with red rims playing "In Da Club" as he drives really slowly past Eren attempting to catch Mikasa's attention

 

 

> September 24th

 

Mum made dolma for lunch today aw yeah man today is going gr9 I’m gonna play some CoD and not change out of my pjs ever

 

 **Later**  
shit I just remembered I have that group project in english due on Monday noooo today was going so well

**Later**  
do I even have a group I don’t remember…?

**Later**  
was armin in my group??

**Later**  
texted armin and he said he’s working with ymir and Thomas and mina and I mean that’s great and all but who the fuck was in my group???? I hate these things.

 

 **Later**  
[A text sent from the phone of one Annie Leonhardt]  
 **Annie:** _yo asshole we had a group meeting for our English project today_

we did?? Shit

 

 **Later**  
who the hell put me with annie??

**Later**  
wait I remember it was keith shadis who I swear is out for my blood ok then cool

**Two hours later**  
man can we just all agree that Oedipus had some serious problems I mean like having sex with ur mom is a no. a complete no. a complete no no no

 

* * *

 

 

> September 26th

 

Our presentation went well. That’s a solid A in English I bet. I reenacted oedipus’ mental breakdown in front of the entire class and shadis actually complimented me on my acting skills

 

Well, more like said: “You seem to have a great affinity for relating to Oedipus’ current degradation of mental cognition.”

 

More like a backhand compliment I guess but at least he didn’t send me to detention for screeching in his ear

 

 **Later**  
I found a small knife in mikasa’s room. Currently debating whether or not my sister is out to kill me, and whether or not mum needs to know.

“This knife is for your own protection, should anyone try to murder you.”

Well that’s nice.

 

* * *

 

 

> September 29th

 

I got an A for that project but I totally fucking failed my math test. Goddammit if I have to repeat this year I swear to god-

 

 **Later**  
I’m gonna ask armin for help

 

 **Later**  
armin is apparently busy, says his dad. Ok I’ll ask mikasa.

 

 **Later**  
mum just told me she’s out doing her driver’s test wtf why didn’t she tell me this I could have offered support and cookies. There is a Lack Of Communication going on in this house

 

 **Later**  
which reminds me I still have to get mine… it’s getting real annoying walking to school as kirschtein fucking drives past in his douchey car with the red rims blasting 50 cent’s “in da club” every. single. day. I don’t even think he likes hip hop I think it’s just to piss me off.

~~and hell if I’m telling him that it’s working.~~

 

 **Later**  
Mikasa totally passed her test hell yeah that’s my sister for ya ~~  
~~

**Later**  
do u think she’d give me free rides ~~  
~~

* * *

 

 

> September 30th

 

I think I just listened in on reiner and bert Doing Things in the downstairs bathroom. I was in a stall, doing my business as a man’s gotta do, and then suddenly I hear all this muttered whispering in german and like reiner’s got quite a distinctive voice and I mean like

No guys.

Not at school.

 

So I pretty much legged it outta there

 

 **Later**  
Omg.

So I totally forgot Krista was planning a roadtrip.

In like December

 

* * *

 

 

> November 3rd

 

So for Armin’s birthday it ended up being just me, Mikasa, him and Jean going bowling, because apparently he didn’t want anything fancy. i dont know why he had to invite jean, but w/e

bc me and Mikasa totally beat their asses. Ha. Take that horseface.

 

* * *

 

> November 5th

 

Had the guys round and watched _V for Vendetta_ again. I swear, I’m going to grow up and become V. with the knives and the cool mask and everything

I also got cornered by ymir just as I was getting myself another coke

 **Ymir:** So it has come to my attention that you and Jean are gay for each other.  
 **Me:** for the last fucking time, I am not gay for that asshole! You should stop listening to Reiner.  
 **Ymir:** I didn’t talk to Reiner. It’s really obvious on its own.  
 **Me:** No it is not!!

I mean how could I tell her that I’m not gay for horseface because I think I’m gay for my football coach???

 

 **Later**  
who is apparently completely straight and dating Ms. Hanji, if Connie is to be believed. but this _is_ connie, so

 

 **Later**  
why do I find this a problem?

 

* * *

 

 

> November 15th

 

Ugh ugh ugh tests tests nothing but goddamn tests I hate this I haven’t hung out with everyone in weeks

Not to mention that football practice is becoming an exquisite torture I HATE COACH LEVI AND HIS PENCHANT FOR WHITE SHIRTS AND SHINY SHORTS ~~especially the shiny shorts~~

“Run you little shits! What am I, watching the grass grow??”

Sometimes I forget he can be a real drillmaster.

“Kirschtein if you’re quite done fixing your hair perhaps you would care to play properly?”

Heh.

 

 **Later**  
you know, I haven’t spoken to armin in ages I wonder how his chess tournament thingy is going

 

 **Later**  
ok so that was weird I go to text him and he texts me first. apparently he needs to talk to me?? Okay we’ll see what’s going on

 

 **Later**  
…oh no.

 

 **Later**  
I need to like, put a rock through kirschtein’s fucking bedroom window.

maybe I should explain

 

 **Armin:** Hi Eren.  
 **Me:** Hey bro, what’s up? Haven’t talked in ages  
 **Armin:** Oh I’ve just... I’ve been having a kinda rough time.  
 **Me** : Oh no what’s up? Anything I can do to help?  
 **Armin:** My grandpa’s been kinda sick recently. We don’t know how well he’s doing. He’s in the hospital right now.  
 **Me:** Oh my god that’s awful can I do anything?? (Armin’s grandpa is like the nicest guy ever one time when we were young I accidentally spilt strawberry milkshake all over his mum’s sofa but he totally confessed it was him so I mean this is really sad serious stuff)  
 **Armin:** No it’s fine Jean’s been keeping my spirits up.  
 **Me:** oh okay that’s co- [DRAMATIC PAUSE] wait wHAT??  
 **Armin:** He’s not a bad guy you know. And I think… I think I’m having a crisis.  
 **Me:** What kind of crisis?? Is he bullying you? I’ll shove my fist up his long nose  
 **Armin:** No for God’s sake Eren  
 **Me:** Sorry  
 **Armin:** …I think I like him.

**_aBORT ABORT ABORT MISSION_ **

 

“Eren no he didn’t coerce me into giving him sexual favours” “Eren no he’s not being creepy” “Eren no you don’t need to go over there and protect my chastity okay I don’t even think he’s gay!”

Oh.

“But I think I am.”

Well shit.

 

I mean I told him that if he were gay it’d be ok (I even sang the song from avenue q) and if he was worried that mikasa and I would judge him or anything then he was completely wrong and he had nothing to be worried about, which I think made him feel a bit better.

But my best friend is in love with my archenemy and I think he’s coming onto me. No not like that. I mean I think armin’s starting to suspect me and the Levi Problem. He had a Look in his eye.

 

 **Later**  
when did it get its own fucking name

 

 **That evening**  
what the hell does armin even see in jean???

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> go shawty  
> it's your birthday  
> we gon' party like it's yo birthday


	4. Vier

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so this bit turned slightly into jean/eren because they're my otp man but i swear to god the main pairings will eventually be levi/eren and jean/armin they just need time to grow ja feel??

 

> December 2nd

 

IT’S DECEMBER 2nd DO U KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS

 

IT MEANS I’M FREE

AND GOING ON VACATION WITH EVERYONE

TOMORROW

FUCK YES

 

 **Later**  
so like krista’s parents are like kinda rich so they have a cabin in the mountains and we’re all going there for Christmas vacation

At first I felt kinda bad for leaving ma alone during Christmas but you know what she told me she’s off to france to stay with an old childhood friend so I don’t feel bad anymore

 

* * *

 

> December 3rd

  
it’s like midnight and I haven’t started packing yet I got Sidetracked

 

 **Later  
** Ugh I hate packing I’m not going that’s it

 

 **Later  
** IT’S LIKE 4AM AND I STILL NEED TO PACK SHIT

 

 **Later  
** Ok I did it I’m exhausted but I did it

 

 **Later  
** I’m not even going to sleep am I

I should just stay up

 

 **Later**  
I just texted jean and woke him up ahaha jesus I love having his number sometimes

 **Him:** Ur a fucking asshole jaeger  
 **Me:** ;)

 

 **8am**  
I have Not Slept and we’re all congregating at marco’s house. I feel like death. I need coffee

 **8:30am**  
annie’s standing outside her car tapping her fingers impatiently against the trunk as bert struggles to put his suitcase in the back. are we about to witness a murder. more at 9

 **9am**  
bert’s still alive and we’re just waiting on sasha and connie who are getting the bus who wants to bet they’re never gonna make it

 **9:30am**  
if jean doesn’t stop leaning against his car and waggling his eyebrows at mikasa I’m gonna

 **9:34am**  
so armin likes jean, but jean appears to be going after my sister???

 **9:45am**  
we were supposed to be on the road an hour ago. lol

 **9:52am**  
OH FINALLY

 **10am**  
we’re on the road! Current seating arrangements include:  
annie, mikasa, bert and reiner in annie’s car  
ymir, armin, me and krista in ymir’s van  
jean, marco, sasha and connie in jean’s car.

i feel sorry for marco.

 **10:04am** **  
**Jean just slid right next to us, rolled down the window and winked at mikasa. I’m gonna barf

 **10:06am**  
CONNIE JUST TURNED ON THE RADIO IN JEANS CAR AND THE FIRST THING THAT COMES BLARING OUT IS FUCKING LION KING MUSIC I’M WEEPING I’M JUST

JEAN IS CURRENTLY TRYNIG TO DRIVE AND TURN IT OFF I CAN SEE REINER CRACKING UP IN ANNIE’S CAR TOO OH SWEET JESUS

 **10:30am**  
nothing funny’s happened for a while I’m going to sleep goodbye world

 

 **Later** **(2:46pm)**  
we’ve arrived oh wow krista’s cabin is really nice

 

 **Later**  
apparently i missed sasha and connie having a burping contest when everyone stopped at services for a toilet break. i am _so_ glad i missed that

 

 **Later**  
wait did those assholes just leave me to sleep??

they didn't even try to wake me up????

 

 **Later**  
sleeping arrangements. oh god

okay so there are two bedrooms, a huge living room, a kitchen, two bathrooms wtf is this a palace or something

 

 **Later**  
"i hope you boys packed your sleeping bags!!" ymir i swear

**Later**  
so the girls have a decently sized room with pull out beds from the sofas while armin, marco, connie, jean, bert, reiner and i are all squashed together on the floor in the other one. is this a female conspiracy

 

 **Later**  
jean is placing his sleeping bag near armin oh _hell to the no_

 

...i slapped my sleeping bag between jean and armin. i think armin's pissed at me. lmao

 

 **Later**  
wait does this mean they're also going to make one bathroom a female one and one a male one because HELL IF I'M SHARING A BATHROOM WITH THEM LOT

 

 **Later**  
i am stuck playing cards with marco and connie while bert and reiner have a shower. together. in the nude. _together_

~~why do we put up with these two~~

 

 **Later**  
ok im going the fuck to sleep I’ll shower in the morning

 

* * *

 

>  December 4th

 

VACATION BLOG DAY ONE

Dear diary, Eren here. I did not sleep last night. I did not sleep because I was protecting my friend Armin’s Innocence all night by staring straight at Jean Kirschtein’s ugly face. Around 4am he woke up to find me staring right at him and he nearly pissed himself. I think he got the hint and won’t be bothering Armin any time soon.  
haha fucker

 

...is it a blog if I’m writing this all down by hand in my journal??

 

“Eren why are you always scribbling in that little tatty book” no go away ymir ur not my mom that’s mikasa’s job

 

Krista’s planned all this shit for us to do. Omfg

Okay so like she’s planned a picnic for everyone and there’s like all these hiking trails we can do and there’s also a river nearby and just wowowowoW THIS IS SO AWESOME remind me to like buy her something nice when we get back

 

 **Later**  
going 4 a morning hike with the gang lol txt it

except I don’t actually have signal out here so

**Later**  
reiner and annie are having a contest it seems as to who can Stride With The Most Purpose

 

 **Later**  
This entire fucking hike is all uphill I quit

 

 **Later**  
no mikasa’s doing so well I have to keep up with her I can’t fail here

 

 **Later**  
omg bert found a little squirrel omg it’s so fucking cute ~~and then connie scared it away with his fucking flash camera~~

 

 **Later**  
I give up. Im going 2 die

 

“Eren get up” “No leave me here” “Eren I’m going to count to ten” “No I quit I can’t do it anymore leave me Armin let me have this honourable death” “Eren I’m going to get Mikasa” “oKAY IM UP”

Ugh so like, everyone is keeping up really well and I’m lagging behind with armin. Where did everyone get this stamina from. I mean really

 

 **Later**  
Oh thank WE FOUND A PICNIC TABLE TIME FOR LUNCH

Bless mikasa and her sandwich making skills peanut butter and pistachio has never tasted so good (it’s never tasted good but she’s giving me that Look so)

 

 **Later**  
I just realized I can’t find armin??

…did we leave him behind??

 

…yo marco can’t find jean either

OH HOLY HELL NO

 

 **Later**  
oh. I found them. They were looking at birds and comparing them to the ones in armin’s guidebook. Oh

 

 **That evening**  
I am Conked out don’t even speak to me I am never doing a hike again

I think bertholdt died he’s passed out on his sleeping bag. He didn’t even get in it. Lol

His legs are also halfway up the wall I don’t think this is entirely normal

 

Oh no i lied hes not dead he just woke up

 

 **Later**  
CONNIE JUST WALKED IN ON BERT AND REINER AGAIN. A G A IN OH GOD HE HAS THE WORST LUCK

I think he actually has mental trauma he’s just sitting on the floor with his head in his hands whispering “why me”

 

* * *

 

>  December 5th

 

It’s snowing. wtf

Everyone’s gone out to do some skiing or whatever winter sports they’re interested in but I am not a winter sports person so I’m just staying here by myself. with jean.

because jean apparently doesn’t like winter sports either.

 

 **Later**  
yo this is boring I’m going for a walk im not staying here with him

 

 **Later**  
“Eren you can’t go alone I’m going with you”

Yo horseface no one asked ur opinion

**Later**  
I ~~and jean~~ totally found like, an old abandoned shed omg this is so cool what if like, a horror movie or something took place here

cool.

 

 **Two hours later**  
shit shit shit oh god _shit_ so like I was really tired and took a nap in this fucking shed and now we’re actually snowed in and I don’t know how far we are from the cabin or where the others are or even if they know we’re here oh hell oh my god

I’m going to die here.

I’m going to die a virgin with only my archnemesis for company.

Why me.

Why this.

~~mom, im sorry~~

 

 **Later**  
I think jean’s crying I can hear a weird sniffling. This is awkward what do I do??

 

**Later**   
_PRAISE THE GODS WE’RE SAVED_

Okay so we’re just like sitting down on the cold floor and I’m like “So this is it, huh?” and Jean is like “Yeah, I guess it is” and we have this weird moment where we’re not actually fighting or saying anything snarky and I mean this must be how Batman felt with the Joker when the Joker was like “you complete me” or whatever the line was and then we hear like this fucking chopping sound so I let out a very manly yell because fuck if I’m going to be killed here by jack Nicholson from the Shining But it was fucking ymir with a fucking _pickaxe_ chopping down the door to get us out oh my _fucking god_

And then once she and Krista got us out ymir was whispering weirdly to jean. Idek

But Krista brought us hot soup can I marry her please

 

 **Later**  
Mikasa gave me a lecture about being irresponsible. I feel bad. I think Jean got one from Marco as well.

today was kinda shitty

sighs.

 

 **That evening**  
Okay so like the girls have all gone to their room so it’s just us guys munching on doritos and drinking coke this is lame _-o_

Connie just suggested a game of truth or dare oh gods in heaven why do I see this going oh so wrong

[Armin leaves for the bathroom]  
 **Marco:** Eren, truth or dare?  
“Uh, dare”  
 **Connie:** I dare you to lick the floor.  
“That’s dumb”  
 **Marco:** What about… confessing your love to a tree?  
“Marco what in the fresh hell.”  
[Jean takes this moment to go grab a drink of water from the kitchen]  
 **Reiner:** Do you like Jean?  
“What??”  
 **Reiner:** Do you?  
“That’s not a fucking dare!”  
 **Reiner:** Fine then, I dare you to confess your love to him when he gets back.  
“I don’t like Jean!!” [/looks desperately around at my assholes of friends]  
 **Bertholdt:** [groggily] I woke up to pee last night and you and he were having a staring match from your respective sleeping bags.  
“That’s not what it looks like I was prot-”  
 **Connie:** You were what?  
“Um, nothing.”  
 **Reiner:** Fine then. If there’s nothing between you, then whatever I ask you to do is just a dare and shouldn’t be awkward. Right?  
“Right.”  
 **Reiner:** So I dare you to kiss him when he walks back here.  
“Fine then! I’ll fucking kiss Kirschtein if it makes you so happy!”

so then Jean walks back in and I fucking march up to him and fucking kiss him. Right on his gross mouth. And he makes a weird noise and pulls back slightly but Reiner wouldn’t be satisfied until he sees visible proof so I turn slightly so he can see us kissing and I’m like _yo Reiner r u satisfied u creep??_ and Jean kissing is fucking Gross he’s all wet and shit and then Jean starts kissing back???? like actually Kissing Back so I’m like **_what the fucking fuck man_** and I’m doing fucking flapping hand motions trying to pull away and then Armin takes that moment to walk the fuck in.

And now he won’t talk to me.

 

why did I come on this shitty vacation

fucking shit.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh eren u try so hard


	5. Interlude; Fünf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> attempting to clear up some emotional baggage... to make way for more emotional baggage. whoopee!  
> of course, armin and jean's relationship isn't going to be smooth sailing either, but at least we've got somewhere.
> 
> i promise levi will play a bigger role after this interlude.

 

“Armin!” I banged on the door. “Armin! Open up. _Please.”_

There was no answer. I don’t know why I was expecting one, to be honest.

“Armin look, it wasn’t what it looked like! I can explain.”

“Go away Eren. I don’t want to talk to you right now.”

I cursed, turning away from the locked bathroom door and to Jean’s ugly face. He looked completely bewildered.

“This is all _your_ fault!” I hissed, pointing one finger at him in my best angry parent way.

“What the hell did _I_ do wrong??” he hissed back, placing his hands on his hips.

“Why the fuck did you kiss me back? What the fuck was that for??”

“Ymir asked me to.”

_“What?”_

“When she rescued us from the snow. She said as payment I had to try and make some moves on you, to make it seem as if I liked you, and then she’d win the bet against Reiner and Connie that I would pull moves first, and she’d get $100 each from both of them. She was gonna split it in half with me.”

I couldn’t believe what had just come out of his mouth.

“Look, Kirschtein. I don’t care what you do in your spare time, if you whore around with anything that breathes or whatever, but my love life isn’t a fucking betting game, do you hear me?”

“Well, sor- _ry_ Princess Jaeger. I didn’t realize you were such a virgin.” He gestured to the bathroom. “I still have no idea what’s wrong with Armin, though.”

In retrospect, I never was very good at keeping my mouth shut.

“Because we just made out! Because he’s in love with _you,_ you halfwit!”

Jean stopped. The entire fucking world stopped. I could see out of the corner of my eye the rest of the guys staring with slack jaws. And then Connie spoke.

“Oh shit…”

Yeah. Shit was a good word for it.

 

* * *

 

After that, Jean pretty much broke down the bathroom door to try and talk to Armin. I had royally Given Up, by that point, and went to go find comfort in the girl’s room.

When I got there they were all sitting on their beds talking peacefully and Krista was reading a book, except Mikasa was gone. Apparently she was taking a shower.

Krista looked up when I came in.

“You alright, Eren?”

Sometimes girls are way better, I swear.

I purposely gave Ymir a dirty look and went to go cuddle with Krista. She and I aren’t the closest of people, but she’s always so kind and when she hugs, she hugs good. It was nice, and I could even ignore Sasha, Annie and Ymir’s weird looks.

Actually, it was Annie who broke the silence.

“What did you idiots do this time?”

I told them everything. I don’t even know why, to be honest, because I’ve never been that close with Sasha and Ymir and Annie and I have a weird relationship where I’m not sure if she even cares about all my emotional shit and they all can have their moments but I told them everything.

“And I keep fucking up my best friend’s life and I just… don’t know what to do anymore.”

Surprisingly, it was Sasha who spoke.

“I think Armin and Jean will be totally fine. Jean’s actually been crushing on Armin for a little while, actually. Not that he told me or anything, but I knew. And he’s been attempting to cover it up by hitting on Mikasa, with laughable effort.”

“So basically,” Ymir finished, “I think all we can expect out of tonight is that Jean and Armin are going to be doing a lot of sloppy making up and then they’re going to get together and it’s going to be gross.”

Annie got up to get a bottle of water from her bag. Ymir continued, “And by the way Eren, when are you going to admit to yourself that you really want to see our football coach naked?”

I stopped breathing.

“How… how did you…”

“Female intuition,” she replied, tapping the side of her nose. “You stare at his ass in those shorts too much.”

I felt really small in that moment. Almost like an ant.

“Now normally I’d say ‘fuck it, do whatever the hell you want, not my concern who you fuck’, but you do realize there is a nineteen year age difference between you, right?”

“I don’t even think he’s gay!” I replied, “Stop assuming everyone is going to fuck just because they have a crush!”

Well. I’d just confessed it all, hadn’t I?

“If you’re worried we’re going to out you or some shit like that, don’t be,” said Krista. “None of us will breathe a word.”

Sasha nodded, and I could see Annie looking at me from the top of her bottle. She didn’t do  or say anything, but I knew she was agreeing as well.

“And no one say anything to Mikasa,” said Krista. “Because I think soon after you’d get a new football coach.”

So I did like a pinky swear together with the girls. Me, Sasha, Annie, Ymir and Krista. It was possibly the weirdest thing I’d ever done.

And I only realized afterward that this made me completely gay. I had a relationship talk with a bunch of girl-friends. I cannot even pretend to be straight anymore.

 

* * *

 

When I got back all the guys had fallen asleep, and Jean had taken over my space and was sleeping with one arm thrown over Armin’s stomach. At least they got a happy ending, I suppose.

So I carefully extracted my sleeping bag from under his torso and went to go sleep near Marco. Except I couldn’t sleep, because all I could think about was Coach Levi, and all the weird shit that happens in my life, and possibly what his face would look like if I ever told him that I liked him. He’d probably be grossed out and besides, he had a girlfriend didn’t he?

The last thing I’d probably see in this life would be the glint of a knife blade swooping down towards my face. He always struck me as a knife person.

One thing was for sure, there was no way I’d ever be able to do football again. It had all become too weird.

So I made up my mind. I was going to quit the football team.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm not entirely sure where to stick this so i'm sticking this here.
> 
> now i've been thinking about possible ethnicity canons for all of these characters in this fic, and i've had some problems because the great thing about snk canon is that pretty much everyone is probably mixed in some way, due to the fact that they come from an isolated population. however, because ethnicity isn't a big deal to them and racism doesn't exist, ethnicity doesn't ever come up. (remember when pixis told eren about racism, and eren just didn't understand what he was talking about?)
> 
> which is where i find my problem because imposing your own headcanons about things like that onto isayama's canon where nothing is explicitly stated can be problematic. and after speaking to some friends about this, they agreed. but in this au these characters live in our world, where ethnicity unfortunately plays a _huge_ role in our everyday life. so i knew i had to address it somehow.
> 
> so basically all i'm going to say is that some of them are white, some are not. i don't know if i'll ever say outright what my idea of their ethnicities are, because you as a reader should be able to infer whatever you want regarding something that has been left ambiguous by the mangaka himself. but i have thrown in some little things in this fic if you catch them.
> 
> and of course mikasa is still half asian, half white because that has been canonly addressed.


	6. Sechs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So first of all, I should apologize for the wait between this and the last chapter. I went back to uni and with classes and stuff happening again, updates won't be as regular as they were before. But I am not abandoning this fic.
> 
> Also, because character birthdays and such were just released, I had to go back and rework some of the chapters to reflect that new info, like Marco's party and stuff.  
> Thanks Isayama.

 

> December 10th

 

 **That morning**  
woke up to the sounds of armin and jean getting together. why. why me i don’t

 

 **Later**  
I have seen more of armin’s skin than I ever wanted to as his best friend. I’d say the same about jean too, but football team. Locker room. School.

I’ve already seen enough jean to last me a lifetime, thank you very much.

 

 **Later**  
“Eren, as your best friend I should tell you. Jean and I are together now.”

armin, as much as i love you, i think i already knew this.

i think everyone knew this two hours ago.

 

 **Later**  
bert managed to find a copy of home alone 2. We are watching this. We _are_

 

 **Later**  
annie found us and told us off for being unsociable. unsociable my ass I mean she never does anything if she can help it

 

 **Later**  
Krista. Planned. A dance contest. A fucking dance contest where does she even come up with all these weird ass ideas

“So, I think we’ve had some group problems between us recently. To solve this, I have thought of a good bonding exercise for us all!”

can you tell she’s going into social work

“What kind of bonding exercise, Krista?” Mikasa sounds unenthused. Have I ever told people how much I love my sister

“A dance contest. In partners.”

[dramatic silence throughout the room. Reiner looks baffled. Bert scratches his nose. Jean and armin exchange not—so—secret glances that I totally fucking saw. Connie scratches his crotch. no-]

“I call Armin.”

fuck you, jean.

Just because you’re dating now doesn’t mean you can just call my best friend. He has a voice too, _ya know_

“Sure thing, jean.”

gdi.

“Bert’s going with me.”

Well that was totally unexpected reiner [sarcasm]

“Ok ok wait! Let me write this down.”

Wait. Shit. Who could I go with?

Mikasa’s looking at me I think that means she wants to pair up with me okay cool

“You can’t pair up with family members!”

Ymir just totally fucking made up that rule I know it

Mikasa looks murderous. Oh dear god

Marco offered himself to her good luck marco

I decided to Speak Up

“wait why do we have to do a shitty dance contest in partners anyway what’s the incentive?”

Ymir spoke up, “the winner gets first pick of the alcohol I brought here. Also they get to make the rest of the teams do whatever they like for the whole day tomorrow. I just decided this.”

“hey what the fuck-”

“I agree. My family’s cabin, my rules. You’ve got the rest of the day to practice. Have fun!”

Maybe Krista shouldn’t go into social work she’s starting to channel an awful lot of ymir

“Yo. Jaeger. You’re going with me.”

I looked at Annie. She looked at me.

 

 **Later**  
so it ended up being

Jean & Armin  
Bertholdt & Reiner  
Krista & Ymir  
Mikasa & Marco  
Sasha & Connie  
Eren & Annie.

…I’m doomed.

 

 **Later**  
I asked Krista who was judging and she said it was going to be a group vote but you can’t vote for yourself.

Ten bucks says connie and sasha are going to try

 

 **Later**  
annie is super scary when she’s motivated to win something. The song ~~we~~ she chose is _sway_ by Michael buble. I gave her a weird look at that suggestion, but she’s taken classes for salsa and shit before and I’m not half bad at it either, so w/e. but she is scary when she wants to win something. I guess it’s a good thing I’m not on the wrestling team like her; she’d probably pummel me into the ground every practice

Which reminds me, as soon as I get back I need to tell Coach levi that I’m quitting. Ugh. What a conversation that’s going to be

 

 **Later**  
“Get up Eren!”

i am Not Getting Up. I am done.

“Eren. Get. Up.”

I knew she was trouble when she walked in. I am lying on the cold hard ground.

 

 **That evening**  
what a complete shitfest. Not even kidding.

Ok so first up were connie and sasha who did a completely ridiculous rendition of Michael jackson’s _thriller_. Connie tripped up halfway through and reiner nearly bust a lung laughing.

which didn’t help him in the long run, because reiner and bert did a weird dance to nelly furtado’s _promiscuous_ which ended up being more awkward than promiscuous.

karma’s a bitch ain’t it.

And then it was ymir and Krista who did a thoroughly energetic routine to _Rasputin_ by boney m. which was actually pretty great, to be honest, and then it was me and annie and I thought we did pretty damn well until marco and mikasa stepped out there and did a full routine to _El tango de Roxanne._

It was Intense.

And then jean and armin stepped out there and started playing “You’re the One That I Want” from Grease and I _shit you not,_ armin was singing sandy’s parts perfectly and jean was doing danny and they were giving each other Looks and like oh my dear sweet god it was the most sexually charged and horrifying thing I have ever seen my best friend and his new boyfriend ~~my nemesis~~ do in my life.

 

and then they won, so there’s that.

for the record, I voted for marco and mikasa.

 

And so later I had to watch the sight of jean slugging down ymir’s stash of beer with a shit eating grin on his face. it was completely and utterly gross.

And armin making out with him afterwards was gross.

But I said I wouldn’t have a grudge against them, so I won’t. I mean, Armin’s happy now and Jean’s happy too and Armin is still my best friend in the entire world even if his taste in men is highly questionable and hey, who am I to talk, at least he’s found a boyfriend who is devoted to him and is not illegal to date due to age differences. ~~We’re not even going to talk about Levi.~~

Which reminds me, I should give jean the shovel talk one of these days.

I should also get mikasa to help.

I think she’d be all up for it.

 

 **Later**  
i just remembered i’m going to have to do whatever those two tell me to do for the entire day tomorrow.

armin will be merciful.

jean however, will not.

 

and we’re going back home next week so ughhhh

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the ranking list
> 
> 1st - Jean & Armin; ["You're the One That I Want"](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_864Y7G4tk)  
> 2nd - Marco & Mikasa; ["El Tango de Roxanne"](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s12XiAOtjcg)  
> 3rd - Ymir & Krista; ["Rasputin"](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvDMlk3kSYg)  
> 4th - Eren & Annie; ["Sway"](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmYMkl1Grzc)  
> 5th - Reiner & Bertholdt; ["Promiscuous"](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0J3vgcE5i2o)  
> 6th - Connie & Sasha; ["Thriller"](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZEHsIcsjtdI)


	7. Sieben

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yeah man where have i been??? blame university.
> 
> also as a PSA i'm now tracking the tag 'fic: we are the hunters' in case you guys ever want to post anything there. or like, you know. fanart. or questions. or
> 
> stuff.

 

> December 25th

 

8:34am  
 **Armin:** Merry Christmas Eren!

12:13pm  
 **Eren:** yo thanks man, u 2

12:14pm  
 **Armin:** You just woke up, didn’t you

12:14pm  
 **Eren:** no

 

9:18am  
 **Mikasa:** have a good Christmas

12:20pm  
 **Eren:** mikasa our bedrooms are next door

12:21pm  
 **Mikasa:** yeah well you haven’t moved from yours yet so

 

1:03pm  
 **Connie:** happy christmas!!  
 **Eren:** merry Christmas to u too

 

1:09pm  
 **Krista:** Happy Christmas! I hope you’re having a good one c:  
 **Eren:** yeah I am thanks. What abt u?  
 **Krista:** It’s going really well :D

 

1:58pm  
 **Marco:** Merry Christmas Eren!  
 **Eren:** merry Christmas marco, hope it’s going well for you bro  
 **Marco:** Yeah it is thanks

 

2:48pm  
 **Sasha:** merry christmas~  
 **Eren:** merry christmas too (:

 

3:15pm  
 **Annie:** yo merry Christmas or whatever  
 **Eren:** thnx annie.  
 **Eren:** u 2  
 **Annie:** heh

 

4:05pm  
 **Ymir:** I suppose I should wish you a merry Christmas.  
 **Eren:** i suppose i should wish you one in return  
 **Ymir:** I hope u choke on ur dinner  
 **Eren:** u too.

 

5:45pm  
 **Reiner:** MERRY CHRISTMAS  
 **Eren:** merry Christmas bro. hows bert?  
 **Reiner:** HE GOT A NEW PHONE FROM HIS PARENTS AND IS STILL TRYING TO WORK OUT HOW TO USE IT.

 

8:52pm  
 **Unknown:** Mangy Christmas.  
 **Eren:** bert is this u  
 **Unknown:** yes.  
 **Unknown:** oh my god my autocorrect I’m so sorry  
 **Eren:** merry Christmas man

 

* * *

 

> December 27th

 

So Christmas day was wildly uneventful. woke up late, got some presents from mum and mikasa, gave them theirs in return, spent the day playing video games and eating junk food until dinner and then I went over to Armin’s at around 7 and guess who was there? Jean. Wearing a horrendous Christmas sweater. With a horse on it. And armin had one for me as well, which annie had dropped off at his this morning, apparently, because “hell if I’m driving all the way to eren’s with his amount of snow on the ground”

Apparently reiner’s got into knitting. And bert is doing nothing to discourage him.

 

* * *

 

> January 4th

 

going over to annie’s to spend my last day of freedom. Everyone else had other plans so I invited myself to hers.

not that I don’t like spending time with annie, don’t get me wrong

But sometimes she’s a lot to handle.

**Later**  
“Eren what the fuck are you doing here.”  
“Hi Annie! Just thought I’d pop by and say hello!”  
“Well now you’ve said it.”  
“Uh, yeah.”  
“So now you can go.”  
“…oh.”

“Oh my god Eren I’m joking come in before you hurt yourself.”

Annie’s mean :(

 

 **Later**  
i just tripped over annie's cat it's like this tiny little thing  
i didn't even realise she had a cat i thought she just like

skinned them or something

 

 **Later**  
we ended up on her sofa in the basement drinking cinnamon apple spiced tea and watching a documentary on WWII airplanes. Not something I’d really considered before, but annie loves history so I thought ‘why the hell not’ and watched it with her.

turns out it was really fucking interesting. I might actually go and google some of this shit and do some research.

I guess armin’ll be pleased too, his grandfather fought in the war and annie and armin are always chatting about history stuff together like a bunch of adorable nerds

**That evening**  
mikasa cornered me as I was brushing my teeth and came up behind me so i couldnt see her and said in this really low voice “you spend too much time with Annie.”  
I, who had a mouthful of toothpaste and the brush halfway pulled out of my mouth, yelled and jumped three foot in the air, sending a lovely layer of spit and mint over the mirror (which mom made me clean up later)

“What the hell,” I said, after I had spat out my toothpaste, “Annie’s my friend, and she’s cool. What’s wrong with spending time with her?”

“She’s creepy,” said Mikasa in an equally creepy voice, and walked off.

????????¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿???????? what

 

* * *

 

> January 5th

 

schoollllllllll more like no

 

 **Later**  
oh my god so I got into the parking lot this morning and jean had given armin a ride [he didn’t offer me one, asshole]

[not that I would have taken it anyway]

[how else am I supposed to keep up my flawless physique?]

Anyway so I walk over to jean’s car and give him this little head nod thing which has become our customary greeting and then I’m walking with armin and then I hear jean call his car.

He named his car.

 

 **Later**  
not only did jean totally name his car he named it fucking "bullfart"

am i hearing things

bullfart oh my god

**Later**  
oh apparently it's "buchwald" but i mean german shit who even knows what that means

i'm still calling it bullfart

 

...jean's not even german he's like french isn't he??

I however, am a marvelous German specimen.

 

Not really.

**Later**  
I think reiner and bert are having relationship trouble. I overheard them arguing (arguing? Is it arguing if reiner’s doing all the talking and bert is just standing there?) so I asked ymir and connie what was going on but no one knows, apparently

I’d like to help them out but I have my own problems ugh

 

 **Later**  
I saw Levi hanging out with Mr. Smith and Mr. Zakarius the weird chem. teacher as I was skipping bio with Ms Hanji so I pretty much did a runner and hid in a locker as they walked past. But then they stopped in the middle of the hallway. And stood there. And talked. So I spent all of third period in a locker. Fifty goddamn minutes.

 

 **Later**  
I went to Coach Levi’s office near the end of school. It smelled a lot like cleaning products mixed in with the faintest whiff of coffee. He was tapping away on a laptop when I knocked, and gave me this little sneer when he saw it was me, though I suppose it could have been meant as a smile.

 **Him:** Well hello Eren. What can I do for you? [his teeth are very white]  
 **Me:** Er… did you have a nice Christmas vacation?  
 **Him:** [eyes narrow] I did as a matter of fact. Now-  
 **Me:** [hysterically] Well that’s great! I had a pretty good time too, I- [at this point I am doing what Armin calls my nervous babbling]  
 **Him:** [in his authoritative voice that sounds _oh so hot]_ Eren.  
 **Me:** Um, sir.  
 **Him:** Why the hell are you here?  
 **Me:** I was… that is I’m here because.. [he starts tapping his fingers against the wood of his desk] …I’m quitting the football team, sir.  
 **Him:** [looks up, surprised] Well. That’s certainly unexpected, could you tell me-  
 **Me:** [checks phone; in a perfect Zazu impression]: Oh look at the sun, it’s time to go! [dashes off]

Mission accomplished. Time to never encounter him again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> reiner is That Guy who always texts in caps.


	8. Interlude; Acht

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idek this was supposed to be a comedy of errors and now suddenly we're getting feelings and shit flying everywhere

“Jaeger.”

I looked up from my phone (mom really can’t text very well) to see Coach Levi in the middle of the school parking lot.

On a motorbike.

Shit.

He had changed out of his work clothes and was wearing black skinny jeans, a leather jacket with metal studs, and red boots. One leg was slung over the body of the bike, and the other was on the ground. I may or may not have also been staring at the thin silver hoop that went through his left ear and the stud in one eyebrow. They hadn’t been there earlier.

Levi noticed me staring.

“We need to talk, Jaeger. About your decision to quit my team.”

The way he said ‘my team’ sent a weird emotion through me.

I stammered and slipped my phone into my pocket. “Um. Sorry… what, sir? Can’t we… can’t we talk about this somewhere… like-”

“You haven’t got anything on after school, do you?”

“Well, no-”

“And you don’t have any homework?”

I knew I was defeated. “No.”

He made a gesture towards his bike.

“Well? Get on.”

“Uh…”

“You have no fucking idea how, do you?”

I really didn’t. Levi sighed, grabbed the spare helmet and thrust it into my hands, gesturing towards the back.

“Hold onto my waist. And don’t try anything funny.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it… sir.”

“Don’t call me sir.”

 

* * *

 

He drove to McDonald’s. To be honest, I don’t know what else I was expecting. A fancy restaurant perhaps.

He bought me a burger and fries and a coke and sat down next to me, with only an iced tea for himself. I was starving, and dug in. He grimaced at my bad table manners.

“So.”

I swallowed a mouthful of burger. “So, sir… this is a bit. Weird.”

He sighed, and ran one hand through his hair. It looked soft.

“Sorry. I’m not the best with students. I don’t usually interact with them outside of school, to be honest. So I took you somewhere I thought kids like you like.”

I didn’t know whether or not I would consider that an insult or a compliment.

“Wendy’s is better. But thank you.”

He scowled at me. “Don’t push your luck, Jaeger.”

I slurped some of my drink just to watch his face contort at the noise, and put it back down on the table, entirely satisfied with myself.

“So… Coach…”

“I have never had anyone quit my team during the school year. Especially not someone as good as you are. I don’t understand why you’ve made this decision, to be honest. Of course, if it’s for a personal reason…”

I swallowed. “No, that’s… that’s not it at all. I mean-”

He lent down further in his plastic chair and looked me straight in the eye.

“Of course, I think I know what the reason is.”

A stream of profanity ran through my brain. I suppose the look was evident on my face, because he sighed deeply.

“Eren. I’m in my thirties, I’m not stupid. I know when someone is interested in me. I have had a few cases like this in the past. But the fact is that obviously it’s bad enough that you’ve decided that it’s better for you to quit something that you’re good at; something you love, and it’s because of me. I’m upset by that fact. I don’t want to be the reason that you do this.”

I felt awful and nervous and awful.

“So if you would like, I have considered quitting being the football coach and letting Nile- I mean, Coach Dawk, take over.”

“Levi, I… that’s really not necessary. I’m… I’m the one to blame here, I’m just an emotional teenager and I’m sorry if you thought it was best that you quit your job because you don’t want to ruin a student-teacher relationship and-”

“Hey, wait a second. Who said anything about ruining a student-teacher relationship?”

Oh shit.

“Eren.” And now he was positively _grinning_ at me. “Were you considering asking me out?”

“No!”

“I don’t buy that.”

“Arg, no… shit, no I wasn’t… I didn’t-”

“You are well aware that such a thing is forbidden due to the nature of our relationship, in addition to the fact that you are a minor?”

“Not for long! I turn 18 in March!”

He raised a single eyebrow at me. The one with a piercing through it. _He plucks his eyebrows_ , I thought, in a weird moment of semi-reality.

“Oh really?”

Arg. God damn god fucking _dammit-_

Then he laughed. But not just regular laughing like normal people. He fucking threw back his head and positively _cracked up_ , making all the people at the tables around us turn around in surprise. I wondered then, how strange we looked together; the 30 or so man leather-clad man and the teenager in a rumpled _No Doubt_ t-shirt and an old pair of dark wash jeans that had faded long ago to grey.

“Um, Levi-”

“Oh God Jaeger, I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He seemed to recover then, but his eyes were still slightly teary from laughing.

I got indignant, then. I had always been impulsive.

“Don’t make fun of me! It’s not my fault; you always looking like… like whatever the hell you look like!”

I remembered then that I didn’t even know if he was gay. Oh Jesus Christ.

“Kid, you really need to slow down and control the raging desires of your genital area.”

I blushed crimson, and he laughed again before smoothing out the creases in his jacket.

“Come on Eren. I’ll drop you off home.”

I don’t know what came over me then, when I said; “Where do you live?”

He gave me a strange look. “And why is that any of your business?”

I pretended to fiddle with a loose thread on my shirt. “I… I dunno. Sorry sir. That was a bit out of bounds.”

“Hey, hey, come on kid. We’re not in school right now. And you said so yourself, you’re not even a minor. You’re an _adult.”_ The way he said ‘adult’ almost made me want to punch him in the face. He definitely got off on making me feel uncomfortable and rather pathetic, and we both knew it.

“Want to see my place then? I promise I’m not going to pull out a chainsaw when you’re not looking and commit a murder.”

I nodded. Levi grabbed my drink, which had long since turned into watery crap (though I wasn’t about to let him know that), carefully wiped around the rim of the straw with a fresh napkin, and took a drink. His face screwed up at the taste.

“Oh God, what is this shit.”

I laughed at him then. “It’s called the wonders of fast food restaurants. And don’t worry, I’m not worried about you pulling out a chainsaw; you’re more a shank-you-in-the-dark kind of guy.”

“Haha, very funny.”

 

* * *

 

When we got to Levi’s place, which was a really nicely decorated modern apartment, I hesitated gingerly before slipping off my shoes. The place was spotless. Not a single thing out of place, and the floor was so clean I could probably have eaten breakfast off of it. Levi soon noticed me staring, and gave me a look.

I followed him to the living area, which featured the biggest television I’d ever seen, and leather couches a brown so dark they were almost black. Levi reached back behind a lamp and fiddled with something, before suddenly fucking _ABBA_ came blasting out. I peered behind him.

He had a gramophone. An actual working gramophone that played vinyl. I couldn’t believe it.

He noticed me staring and flipped me the bird.

“What? Never seen one of these before? I guess not, you’re far too young.”

You know that feeling you sometimes get when you’re in a situation and you can’t quite remember the weird chain of events that led up to that moment? Yeah. That’s how I felt in that moment. Somehow my day had turned from awkwardly hiding a crush on my older football coach, to attempting to quit the team, to somehow ending up in his goddamn apartment.

Life really is weird sometimes.

“Want something to drink?” Levi asked, breaking the silence. “Nothing alcoholic. You’re still technically a student of mine.”

“Um, no. I’m fine thanks.” I didn’t want to dirty up his glasses.

He threw himself down on the couch and pulled off his jacket, folding it carefully before setting it down over the armrest.

“So,” he began.

“So.” I replied.

“So what on earth did your little brain have planned, hmm? Quit the team, ignore your coach forever, mission accomplished? Was that it?”

“Sort of.”

He sighed. “You’re a dumbass, Jaeger.”

“Hey-”

“No, seriously. Do you think that would have ever worked? Besides the obvious fucking stupidity of it.”

“I just…” I didn’t know what to say. I wondered if he felt insulted that I had chosen to quit because it was him I had feelings for. Did he think I was disgusted because he was also a man? Or because he was old. Not that he was _really_ that old but-

Levi interrupted my train of thought. “I understand if you’re concerned about being bullied because of the fact that I’m a man. I got a lot of shit for that as well, in high school.”

Wait. What.

“You’re gay?” I blurted out, then bit my lip.

He looked at me, and looked almost sad.

“Bisexual, actually. And let me tell you, being a queer teenager in the nineties sucked major ass. So I know how you feel.”

“It’s not that, to be honest. A lot of my friends are gay, and everyone who knows is pretty much okay with it.”

He looked wistful. “That’s really nice, actually.”

“Yeah.”

What came out of his mouth was a total surprise.

“You know, I wouldn’t be averse to dating you. After you’d graduated, of course.”

“What?”

He glanced at me and smirked. “You’re not bad looking, Eren.”

“Don’t say weird stuff like that! You’re my teacher!”

“After you graduate I won’t be.”

“You don’t even like me in that way!”

“How do you know what I like?” Levi asked playfully.

“You’re really weird.”

“I have been told that. Still, nothing compared to Mike and Zoe. I do believe you have classes with both of them, right?”

“You mean Mr. Zakarius and Ms. Hanji? There was a rumour going around that you and her were dating, actually.”

I heard a weird noise, and then realized that it was Levi _gigglesnorting_. “Oh god, no. Zoe and I go _way_ back, but no. Hell to the no.”

There was an awkward pause after that, and the song changed. I didn’t immediately recognize it, but Levi shot his gramophone a murderous look, as if somehow the song choice had offended him. I was about to bring up another topic of conversation when suddenly he took in a deep breath, got up stiffly, and cracked his knuckles. I knew then that our weird playdate was over.

“Come on kid, time to take you home.”

“Um, this might sound weird-” I began meekly.

“What?”

“Could we do this again? You’re actually really great company.”

His face seemed to change then. “No, Eren. No we cannot. Sorry.”

“Oh.” My face fell. “But-”

“No means no, Jaeger.” His tone was clipped, final. I didn’t have anything to say in response.

The ride home was silent and far more awkward than it should have been. Levi dropped me off right in front of my house and I got off the bike awkwardly. He looked at me. “Still on the team, Jaeger?”

“Yeah,” I replied quietly. “Yeah I guess I am.”

I didn’t know what I had done wrong.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What was playing on Levi's gramophone? [Super Trouper](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BshxCIjNEjY), obviously.
> 
> and then [Does Your Mother Know](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WkL7Fkigfn8) because of all the inconvenient songs to play


	9. Neun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no i'm not dead!!
> 
> i also don't know what happened here.  
> "this was supposed to be a comedy," i wail

> January 6th

 

what the hell did I do???? like

what

I didn’t even want a goddamn relationship I just wanted to be his friend

or something

 **Later**  
whatever. Fuck him

 **Later**  
I just remembered that he somehow manipulated me into staying on the team so maybe not ugh

 **Later**  
mikasa asked me to go out for coffee with her. As I am currently pissed off and confused and I could do with someone else paying for caffeinated drinks, I’m going.

 **Later**  
we went to our favourite coffeeshop and annie and bert were there, deep in conversation.

i suddenly feel bad because there’s been some shit going down with reiner and bert and everyone has been supportive except for me, who’s been having the hangup of his life over some fucker

u g h

Mikasa asked me what was wrong. I told her nothing was wrong. She said, “bullshit.” So then I told her. Because at the end of the day, she’s my sister.

She got mad and said she was going to punch levi’s face in. to which I quickly told her that wasn’t necessary, because it was my fault. She conceded the point.

Except I don’t actually think it was my fault because I have no idea what’s going on still

 

* * *

 

> January 8th

 

Jean’s throwing a party this friday. Debating not going.

 **Kirschteining my way downtown**  
yo jaeger im having a party this fri at my place. Ur obvs invited, else I wouldn’t be telling u

 **eren jägerbomb**  
ugh im not really up for parties right now   
  
 **Kirschteining my way downtown**  
whats up? bf dump u?  
  
 **eren jägerbomb**  
no fuck u. i don’t have a bf.   
  
 **Kirschteining my way downtown**  
I know. Ok look man im trying 2 make u feel better. U’ve been all listless and grumpy recently and it’s rubbing off on all of us. Armin’s been feeling shitty, I’ve been feeling p damn shitty, everyone on the team’s been playing crappy, reiner’s been a huge pile of ass bc of the bert incident  
  
 **eren jägerbomb**  
Wait what bert incident   
  
 **Kirschteining my way downtown**  
U don’t know? No I suppose u wouldn’t bc u’ve been neglecting everyone else in favour of urself  
  
 **eren jägerbomb**    
ugh fine don’t tell me then I’ll ask armin  
  
 **Kirschteining my way downtown  
** no for gods sake shut up. Ok so like… this is what annie told me. So like reiner’s been seeing a counselor about some emotional issues he’s having, idk what, it’s not my business or anything, but bertl found out and got angry that reiner didn’t tell him what he had been going through, bc apparently reiner had been keeping it a secret from everyone. So then bert got mad but u know what bertl’s like, he doesn’t fucking saying anything ever. So reiner got angry because he thought bertl was keeping secrets from him, and then he thought that bert was cheating on him or some shit, so reiner confronted bertl and bertl got angry that reiner was accusing him of stuff he hadn’t done, so then he brought up reiner’s visits to the counselor and reiner said his mental health was none of bertl’s business and bertl got mad bc they’ve been dating since forever right? And he kinda does have a right to know what’s going on with his boyfriend but I mean im not taking sides here im just retelling info that people told me

 ** **eren jägerbomb**  
** oh wow. Shit.  
I can’t believe I didn’t know any of this. u said annie told you? Why?  
  
 **Kirschteining my way downtown  
** ok so like ymir, krista, sasha, connie, mikasa and marco don’t know. So don’t tell them. It’s only myself, armin, annie and u. and annie told me because I asked. And annie knows bc she actually knows everything about everyone else. Especially those two. Blackmail purposes, if I had to hazard a guess.  
  
 ** **eren jägerbomb**  
** I don’t think annie would blackmail reiner or bertl  
  
 **Kirschteining my way downtown**  
idk u’d be surprised what she’s capable of. But no, she wouldn’t.  
so… want to talk about whats been bothering u?  
  
 **eren jägerbomb  
** not really. But I’ll come to the party.  
  
 **Kirschteining my way downtown**  
k cool.  

 

 **Later**  
marco texted me out of the blue.  
  
 **Marco:** _Hey Eren! Um, sorry for throwing this on you but… how do you break bad news to a close friend?_  
 **Eren:** arent we close friends?  
 **Marco:** _Of course we are! But this is different._  
 **Eren:** its jean isnt it. wat arent u telling him?  
 **Marco:** _Okay please don’t tell anyone else about this but..._ _I’m moving to another state._  
 **Eren:** holy hell what why u’ve only lived in ur new house for like couple of months???  
 **Marco:** _I know. It's completely insane and I hate it. But my dad got a better job somewhere else. So now we have to move. Again. And I don’t know how to tell Jean. He’s been my best friend since forever and it’ll break him. I feel so awful._  
 **Eren:** look man, i think ur gonna just have to tell him straight up. jean talks whatever bullshit’s on his mind, and i think he’d appreciate the same treatment.  
 **Marco:** _I see. Thanks Eren._  
 **Eren:** no prob. so when r u going?  
 **Marco:** _In a month or two_  
 **Eren:** jesus  
 **Marco:** _Cutting it close yeah_  
  
 **Later**  
why am I burdened with everyone’s stuff??  i have enough stuff of my own.

 

* * *

 

>  January 10th

 

I decided to call out levi on his bs. So I went to his office. I made an appointment and everything. Professionalism.

He was sitting drinking coffee when I came in, and looked pretty tired. Serves him right.

 

“Oh. Eren.”  
  
“Yeah, it’s me.”  
  
“What do you want?”  
  
“I want to know what the hell’s going on.”  
  
“Nothing is going on, Eren.”  
  
“That is complete bullshit and we both know it. We were having a great time, being sociable and then suddenly you clam up and now we can’t be friends? I don’t get it.”  
  
“Look, I made a mistake. End of.”  
  
“Made a mistake? In what? Being my friend? What’s so wrong with me? Are you afraid of being called a pedophile, is that it? Afraid of being associated with an underage teenager? Why do you care so much?”  
  
“Shut your mouth, boy.”  
  
“No, I won’t. I don’t care if you’re my teacher; I have a right to talk. I like you. I really fucking do. And then you take me out and pretend that you’re entertaining the notion of being my boyfriend, and you fucking flirt with me and everything and I get really confused because I have no idea what you’re trying to do. And then suddenly you do a complete 180 and now you’re afraid of approaching me.”

“Yes, I flirted with you. I took you back to my place and I teased you. But then I realized what a mistake that was, and I’m sorry. We can’t be romantically involved, and I’m attempting to keep our relationship as professional as possible. So I’m stepping back, and I wish you would do the same.”

“Why?”  
  
“Because I’m 17 years older than you. And I made a promise to Erwin and myself.”

“A promise about what?”  
  
“And that is _really_ none of your business.”

 

And then he ordered me to get out. Which I did, because he obviously has no fucking respect for me, but he’s still my coach.

**Later**  
I spent a good three hours lying on my bed listening to the new lady gaga album. It’s strange; you think she’s just party music with shallow lyrics but then suddenly a deep, meaningful song comes out of nowhere and hits you like a punch to the chest.

 **Later**  
I may have shed a tear or two.

 **Later**  
why did I have to fall for him?

 **Later**  
my life is a angsty teen novel. But not one of the funny ones.

 

 **Later**  
ah yeah, jean’s party.

 

* * *

 

So I didn’t really want to go, but Mikasa and Armin dragged me along. We got there around 8pm, and Jean's parents had gone out so it was just us. Reiner and Bertholdt weren’t there; I suppose that was inevitable.

The important thing to know about Jean’s parties by the way is that his parents don’t really care what he gets up to. So there’s always quite a bit of alcohol and stuff going on that… probably shouldn’t happen. Considering most of us are still 17. Not that any of us really care.  
  
I’m an alcohol man, though. I’ve never taken drugs, and I don’t want to. But if other people do, I don’t really give a crap. As some idiot on the internet once said, “you only live once.”

So you might as well fuck it up while you’re still young. And that night I really wanted to forget the complicated shitstorm that I had managed to land myself in by falling for a man 17 years my senior and my football coach. A man who had briefly entertained the thought of dating me, but pushed that aside in favour of his job and his reputation.

I suppose if I had been in his shoes I might have made the same decision. Clearly, he _had_ made the right decision, given the circumstances.

It just wasn’t the decision _I_ wanted him to make. And I hated him for that, just a little bit. Levi was thinking rationally. I never think rationally. I’ve always been someone who acts on my emotions, and _then_ thinks about the consequences. It’s got me into trouble before and everyone comments on it.

We got to the party, and I spent the first half hour sitting on Jean’s couch with a scowl on my face thinking about Levi. It wasn’t fair. The universe wasn’t fair.

Eventually however, Jean coaxed me into having a beer. And then another. And then some vodka. And maybe there was gin involved as well.

Marco, Armin and Krista were playing Risk. I don’t know who plays Risk at a party like this one, but obviously these three find it the pinnacle of entertainment. Sasha and Connie were doing jello shots at the table, which was amusing to my inebriated brain. Ymir was also drinking rather heavily, and Jean was commandeering the music, which was a fine piece of crap in my opinion, because Jean’s music taste sucks hairy dick. So I walked over and started a fight with him over it. It ended up in me spilling beer all over his shirt in the scuffle, which then led to me laughing like a hyena (or so I was told later).

Eventually Krista lost all of her territories and left Armin and Marco to it. Though I mean by this point it was obvious Armin was going to win. No one could ever beat him in Risk, and no offence to Marco’s intelligence, but I was certain Armin’s winning streak wasn’t about to be broken that day.

When I stumbled into the bathroom to piss, I walked in on Ymir and Krista having sex. So then I walked back out rather rapidly, and decided then and there that I really wasn’t in a party mood.

Luckily (or unluckily) for me, Mikasa was thinking the exact same, because she and Annie had both got drunk trying to outdo each other in shots and were fighting over nothing. So I had to rip them apart because everyone else was off doing whatever the fuck knows what and if hadn’t had stopped them something bad would have happened.

I told Mikasa we should go home. She was mad drunk but agreed.

And this is where we made our dumb mistake. Because instead of asking mom to pick us up, or asking someone sober to drive us home, together our alcohol sloshed brains decided that Mikasa was still able to drive, even though she definitely wasn’t.

We left without saying goodbye to anyone, and even though I was slightly more sober than her I didn’t even think of stopping her.

We got halfway home when she hit him. I heard and _felt_ the thud reverberate throughout the whole car and then there was this awful fucking silence as we both just sat there in shock. We both sobered up pretty quick after that.

Then I was shoving open the car door as fast as I could and running to the figure on the ground, who was completely still and not moving. Even in my messed up state, I could see the extent of their injuries. There was quite a lot of blood. I could see bone sticking out of their leg. It was so fucking awful I wanted to throw up. Mikasa did. All over the sidewalk.

Sensing that she wasn’t going to be able to do anything for a good while, I pulled out my phone and drunkenly called 911. Then I went to go check them for breathing, and nearly collapsed.

It was Levi.

Mikasa had hit Levi.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> looks @ everyone
> 
> also bc i'm getting myself worked up about how old everyone is i've gone through and revised everything regarding ages  
> so for clarification:  
> Eren - 17 (turns 18 in March)  
> Mikasa - 18 (turns 19 in February; she was held back a year because she transferred)  
> Armin - now 17 (turns 18 in November)  
> Jean - 17 (turns 18 in April)  
> Marco - 18 (held back from graduating due to grades)  
> Annie - 18 (turns 19 in March; held back due to lack of effort in her grades)  
> Reiner - 18 (turns 19 in August; transferred and had to repeat a year)  
> Bertholdt - now 18 (turns 19 in December; transferred with Reiner and had to repeat a year)  
> Ymir - 18 (turns 19 in February; was held back due to grades and lack of effort)  
> Krista - 17 (turns 18 in January)  
> Connie - 17 (turns 18 in May)  
> Sasha - 17 (turns 18 in July)  
>  
> 
> [sassanids.tumblr.com](http://sassanids.tumblr.com)


End file.
